If it's not immediately clear what process needs to be quit, what I do:
-drag the file or files out of the Trash to the Desktop
-open Terminal in Applications>Utilities
-enter "rm -rf" no quotes
-leave a space after rm -rf, and drag the file in question into the Terminal window.
-Hit return and it should be gone.
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For more stubborn cases, enter "sudo rm -rf" no quotes
-leave a space
-proceed as before and give your admin password (which won't appear in any form when entered) when requested.
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Still won't work? Put the file back in the Trash
sudo rm -rf ~/.Trash
There is a single space between sudo and rm
" rm and -rf
" -rf and ~/.Trash
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If you REALLY want to find the process being used:
Open Terminal and paste this in (lsof means "list of open files.") Now you have to hunt down the one involved. Might need some trial and error.)
lsof -l +L -R -V | grep /