I found a reasonable solution in this forum: http://apple.stackexchange.com/questions/253779/macos-10-12-sierra-will-not-forg et-my-ssh-keyfile-passphrase
Using the info in the link above, I added the following lines to my ~/.ssh/config file and Sierra now uses ssh-agent to store the keys (rather than the keychain), and they can be listed, added or removed with ssh-add -l , shh-add , or ssh-add -D
UseKeyChain no
AddKeysToAgent yes
(the first line may not be necessary, may be overridden by the second...)
After doing so, the first "ssh-add -D" removed the entry from MacOS's keychain, and now running ssh or any program that invokes ssh prompts for the passphrase and stores the key via ssh-agent (if not already there), as expected. The only thing that no longer seems to work for me as in older versions of OS X is setting ssh-agent defaults such as a timeout in ~/Library/LaunchAgents/org.openbsd.ssh-agent.plist . It's not clear to me where the ssh-agent defaults can now be set.
Also, from what I have read while chasing down a solution to this myself, it appears that OS X's previous pop-up dialog box which added the key to ssh-agent seems to have been removed; ssh prompts for the passphrase directly in the terminal window now (at least it does for me).