Hi,
Welcome to the Discussions
Googletalk is a Jabber Server - but did you add your Screen Name as a GoogleTalk or Jabber option when adding the account in either the Start Up Screens or the Add Account option in the iChat > Preferences > Accounts ?
I say this as because in iChat 3 upwards you add a Jabber ID with the @ suffix part like an Email address and the software pulls out that @servername.com bit and lists it as the Server in the Server Settings part.
This is why in iChat 3 you have to go back and change the Server Name.
In iChat 4 and 5 the GoogleTalk is a separate option and it has the Server name in iChat like it has the AIM one, but you could add it as a Jabber one and have the issue of the server name not sticking that you describe.
You do not say if the chat with your wife is using the Bonjour Buddy List, your GoogleTalk IDs or even and AIM login one so it is difficult to say if this part is relevant or not.
2:21 PM Saturday; October 17, 2009
Please, if posting Logs, do not post any Log info after the line "Binary Images for iChat"