VPN, wifi calling and connection problems

I live in an area with poor cell reception, I use wifi calling but have lots of connectivity issues with this. It doesn't often route via wifi - instead choosing a 1bar signal to make a call on or dropping calls mid way through.

secondly, I use norton VPN but it drives me up the wall. The vpn connects fine, but every time wifi goes off or into power saving when the screen has been off a while it takes FOREVER to reconnect and often requires toggling wifi on and off a few times to get a connection. Most of the time the vpn just drops out once the phone is in standby and wont actually reconnect at all without having to boot the app up and connect.

This means using my phone is a terrible experience. For reference, the VPN work perfectly on my note 8 and works perfectly on my ipad (wifi model) and works fine when it is functioning, but the maintaining connection is just awful!

My wife has exactly the same problems with her XR, so we have tried the usual, change SSID, reset network settings, uninstall app, factory reset and still nothing improves. I also toggle the maintain connection option for vpn in ios and it makes no difference at all. Its either vpn off and everything is fine, or vpn on and phone is unusable if a connection is dropped. (works fine on 3/4g with no wifi)

Please help, or this phone is going to a recycle company... I would be happy to use a different vpn if one is recommended but looking on the app store it suggests that this is a common issue?

P.S wifi calling problems persist with vpn uninstalled