How do you stop syncing across devices but still enable iCloud?

After years of resisting, I signed up for iCloud 2 TB last week. I wanted to use iCloud to backup ***NOT SYNC** the apple devices in my house. I did not realize that iCloud is not well designed and is now insisting on stuffing all the junk from my wife's iPhone and my iMac on to my phone. Then it is complaining that the phone storage is full. Duh!!!!! Do you guys take any pride in your software design! My wife's phone is getting the same message. How does one untangle this mess and roll back to pre-syncing pre-icloud status on each of these three devices? And then how do I cancel my iCloud subscription without losing any ORIGINAL data on each device?

That first link you sent says, "iCloud backs up your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch automatically each night when it's connected to a power source and Wi-Fi, and your device's screen is locked." What does that mean? Why does sync with other devices have to be a part of that backup?

Appreciate your help LACAllen but I need to clarify what I meant by "untangle." My iPhone now has thousands of photos from my wife's phone and her phone now has thousands of photos from my phone. Is there a quick way (flag? identifier?) to select all of her photos on my phone and delete them? And then select all of my photos on her phone and delete them. Then once we do this we will set up separate iCloud accounts now that we realize that syncing is intrinsic to iCloud. Your idea of downloading to a "neutral" place strikes me as untenable (because we would have to sift through about 10,000 photos and videos) unless the iCloud archive itself has a flag which tells us from which device the photo originated. Thanks.

Okay ... if I accept everything you LACAllen say ... those links do not say how I can untangle the mess I created. (Of course, let's agree that I created the mess with my ignorance. Sainted Apple did not.)

Just turn off iCloud photo in your iCloud account settings. same thing for notes. And yes, you’ll have to do that on each device, since each devices settings are unique to that device.

All devices using that same iCloud account, and with things like iCloud photos turned in, will sync all photos and videos. Same thing for notes and another sync’d data enabled on each device.

That is the whole point of iCloud - it doesn’t store content independently of devices. It holds all data from all devices sync’ing new data to it it to enable all that data to be sync’d across all devices using that iCloud account and sharing data with that iCloud account.

So you cannot have separate devices sync’ing data to iCloud and not sync’ing all that data across all devices.

Do you have a Mac? Know anyone who does? Get a Mac with lots of HD space. Sync the Mac with iCloud account. It may take days, but your original photos will be on that Mac at the end. Using the more sophisticated macOS Photo app, you cull then .

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I did not realize that iCloud is not well designed

I feel it is very well designed. It doesn't do what you assumed it does. Not the same thing at all.

You can capitalize NOT SYNC all you wish, that is what iCloud does. We can argue on and on about the definition of backup. iCloud syncing is not backup in that it does not provide multiple points in time to go back to. It is real time syncing.

How does one untangle this mess and roll back to pre-syncing pre-icloud status on each of these three devices?

See >>> https://support.apple.com/en-ca/HT204055 as step 1

See >>> https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT207689 as step 2

We are completely in trouble then. I just looked at our iCloud archive. It has 27,000 photos. What a mess. I doubt I will find third-party software.

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I see. I thought there’d be a workaround of some sort since my iPad & Mac notes sync between each other but not with my iPhone. Same with Photos but with iPad & iPhone. But I suppose that’s just a glitch or something.

Your devices do not sync with "each other" directly.

As Michael points out, each device independently syncs with iCloud. If your phone does not have the same content, it is the device not syncing with iCloud for some reason.

how I can untangle the mess I created

The first link I gave you is how to download your content from iCloud to a neutral place.

The second was how to manage your iCloud settings, including turning them all off.

That seemed to get you the result you wanted.

Is there a quick way (flag? identifier?) to select all of her photos on my phone and delete them?

Not that I am aware of. How do you separate a single jar of sand created from 2 jars of sand?

Once downloaded, you may be able to look at the phone that created the photo and separate them. You won't like this answer, but iPhones are designed to be used by a single user. When multiple devices using the same Apple ID sign in to iCloud, all photos from all devices are loaded on to the camera roll.

iCloud and the iOS Photos app don't display metadata that you could use to separate photos by device used to create.

Your idea of downloading to a "neutral" place strikes me as untenable (because we would have to sift through about 10,000 photos and videos) unless the iCloud archive itself has a flag which tells us from which device the photo originated.

Be that as it may. It is really your only option using Apple's tools. iCloud Photos is by no means full featured and does not use metadata. It is a convenient way to view your photos. iOS Photos is also feature impaired.

You may want to look for a 3rd party photo management app for iOS that can analyze your library and cull "her" from "you"