my i pad belonged to my deceased wife and all i know is her user name, so its locked!

I'm sorry for your loss, truly.

Here is a link you can see what is required if you want to get any data off your wife's iPad --> How to request access to a deceased family member's Apple accounts - Apple Support

If you just want to use the iPad and start over with your own data, find the original purchase receipt and take a copy of the death certificate with you to Apple and they will likely be willing to erase the device for you to use.

Notwithstanding lobsterghost1’s advice, you may be able to directly recover the AppleID and iPad.

As spouse, you will likely have sufficient knowledge to be able to recover the AppleID credentials - and subsequently the iPad itself. If already disabled, any data stored on the iPad is already lost, but you may be able to recover it from an iCloud or iTunes backup should they be discovered to exist.

The following guidance is written from the perspective of the owner - but you’ll get the idea.

If your device is Activation Locked, this help page will provide most of the information that you’ll need:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201365

If you have forgotten your AppleID or associated password, these can be recovered here:

https://iforgot.apple.com

To recover your credentials, you’ll need access to one of the following:

• Your primary email address mailbox that corresponds with your AppleID
• Any of the secondary/recovery email addresses that should be configured for your AppleID account
• Any of the trusted telephone numbers (fixed line or Cellular/Mobile) that are associated with your AppleID

Unless you AppleID account has not been fully/correctly configured, or has been seriously neglected, recovery of the AppleID and password should not be difficult.

More information about recovery of your AppleID:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201354

More information about recovery of your AppleID password:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201487

Now the iPad itself...

If the iPad is disabled, or the passcode is lost or unknown, you’ll need to follow this process:

https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT211078

You’ll need access to either a PC (with iTunes installed) or a Mac (with iTunes or Finder - as appropriate for the installed version of MacOS).

After recovering access to the iPad, assuming that you manage to do so, you might eventually wish to prepare the iPad for use by someone new - and sanitise the iPad of any current personal data. If so, you would follow this procedure prepare it properly for reuse:

What to do before you sell, give away or trade in your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch – Apple Support

I hope this information, insight and guidance proves to be helpful to you.