For everyone one struggling with this, remember that you can mark certain important contacts with emergency bypass. EB contacts’ notifications will play at full volume no matter what. Even if the silence switch on the side of the phone is enabled, or if any focus state is selected. Marking a contact with EB will make their notifications play at full volume no matter what else you do on your phone, short of turning it off. So even if someone’s phone tells them that your notifications are silenced (as described in this thread), you will still hear the notifications.
To enable EB, edit any contact and go to their ringtone and/or text tone settings. At the top, enable the switch for Emergency Bypass. Note that ringtone and text tone bypass are set separately.