Hi @spencerator,
While I have the same problem as you (I spin up tons of VM's for development), I'm actually pretty happy with my M1 machine for stuff like code compilation and video editing. I just run my VM's remotely on other x86 based machines (vSphere or my old Mac), or in the cloud (AWS in my case). Headless x86 machines with decent CPU/MEM/Storage can be pretty cheap these days, and cloud costs are also pretty low if you only spin machines up for short periods.
Apple are still selling Intel (x86) based Macs, and they have a 14 day "no questions asked" returns policy that would have allowed you to switch back to x86. They should have offered you that option when you said "hey, VirtualBox doesn't work and it's critical to my workflow" so I'd ask them why that was missed and whether they could be nice to you and extend the returns deadline.
If they won't extend beyond the 14 day returns window, you can still sell your M1's privately to fund the purchase of x86 Macs... and since M1 still has a fairly long lead time and low availability, you may break even or even make a profit.
With respect to support longevity, when they switched from PowerPC to x86, they supported the old machines for quite some time.
While Rosetta works for some stuff, Hypervisors access the hardware at a pretty low level, and the ARM instruction set is pretty different to x86 (and so requires a lot of heavy/cpu intensive emulation instead of running natively). Oracle has opted not to put the work in to port their code to ARM, and both Parallels and vmWare are opting to run hypervisors that allow ARM VM's only (at present).
If you're interested in going the emulation route (to run x86 OS) you might look at QEMU, which has a nice wrapper called UTM https://mac.getutm.app/
WRT you comments on M1 based Linux, there are many ARM based distros that will run under Parallels or vmWare Fusion but see https://asahilinux.org/about/ which is being developed specifically for M1. It's rumoured that ARM based windows will also run under vmWare Fusion for Apple Silicon, but it's doubtful this will be considered legal in the short term.