Thanks for the reply.
I don't want to sync my entire library. And I don't want the machines to do anything automatically. I want to pick and choose what playlists I want copied to the iPad. But when I drag a playlist, or even some selected songs to the iPad, iTunes stars copying songs I have no interest in copying--hundreds or thousands of them. Apparently this locks the whole process up, so that whatever I tried to copy never finishes. For example, I'm right this moment trying to copy ONE playlist of eighteen songs. Up top, meanwhile, (and unasked) iTunes is copying "219 of 255," including a 9-hour recording of a train trip! I don't understand why this is so hard. Why can't I just click and drag what I want to put where I want to put it. Imagine if a photocopier worked this way--can't copy a page, only entire books, or only ALL your books. (Just now, it finished "updating" 255 songs I didn't want updated, but did not finish copying the one playlist I asked it to.)
There must be something simple I'm missing.