Is there a way to have Safari return to the latest tab rather than the first tab I have?

Some suggestions:

• Update iOS: Update iPadOS - Apple Support. Doesn't really matter which version you are using; all I know is that mine aren't doing what yours are and it might be a bug that only Apple can (or will) fix, so keep it updated.
• If iOS is already up to date, restart your iPad: Restart your iPad - Apple Support
• Clear Safari's history and website data: Clear the history and cookies from Safari on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support. That will of course clear all open tabs.

That's all I can think of for now, unless you are sufficiently motivated to contact Apple: Get Support

Mine does not do that - I just checked it. Have a tab open, leave it open, .but use Home button to close Safari and open a different app. Close that and return to Safari and it is still on the same tab.

Might there be something in common with the websites both you and your wife are using? It is possible a website is selfishly stealing focus or otherwise drawing attention to itself, though I'm not aware of any that do that.

I can find no Safari Preferences or settings applicable to that concern.

In an effort to duplicate what you are experiencing, I launched Safari which already had a few dozen open tabs. I copied some text from one of them (not the first, not the last, one in between) and pasted it into Notes. Returned to Safari, and the same tab was still frontmost.

Then I forced Safari to close, opened it again, repeated the same actions. Same result. Tried a different tab this time. Same result. Tried a local municipality's website. Same result.

Then I completely shut down the iPad and restarted it. Repeated the same actions. Same result.

I realize none of this helps you, and it seems unlikely that you two are the only people experiencing what you're experiencing. Obviously there is something we're missing; I just don't know what it is.

You may be on to something with a lot of open tabs, but I had 30 or more of them open when I tried to duplicate what you're seeing. It's possible you are running into a memory limitation (RAM not storage) but it's still not supposed to happen.

Determining whether a memory limitation could be a factor isn't easy and requires delving into the system logs. Besides, there isn't anything you could do about it anyway.

Are both your iPads identical models?

If my Safari did what yours is doing I'd consider it borderline unusable.

None of this is helping, and you're interested in settings so let's think about them. The relevant settings on my iPad are as follows:

General

AutoFill:

Use Contact Info > off

My Info > None

Credit Cards > On

Saved Credit Cards > None

Favorites > Favorites

Show Favorites Bar > off

Block Pop-ups > off

Extensions > None

Tabs

Separate Tab Bar > selected

Open New Tabs in Background > On

Close Tabs > Manually

Privacy & Security

Prevent Cross-Site Tracking > On

Hid IP Address > From Trackers

Block All Cookies > off

Fraudulent Website Warning > On

Privacy Preserving Ad Measurement > On

Check for Apple Pay > On

Settings for Websites

Page Zoom > 100%

Request Desktop Website > All Websites > On

Reader > All Websites > off

Camera, Microphone, Location > Ask

Advanced

JavaScript > On

Web Inspector > off

Remote Automation > off

Experimental Features > default settings used; I didn't alter any

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If I omitted a particular setting it's because I really don't think it's relevant. Most of the above shouldn't be relevant anyway; if anything is relevant it's likely to be either Extensions or Tabs. One or more of those settings are almost certain to be different than yours, so consider toggling them to determine if it makes any difference.

I'm using an iPad Pro, iOS 15.4.1 with copious storage.

I usually have 5 - 8 tabs open throughout the day.