Hey SoccerAfter50,
We’d be happy to help out. You’ve mentioned that some information between you and your wife have flipped on you.
While you seem fairly confident that you’re not using a shared Apple ID with your wife based on your post, we’d like to determine if perhaps you did at a previous point in time perhaps? We ask because it’s very unlikely this type of situation could occur any other way.
As for Find My, we’d suggest disabling this on your devices, making absolutely certain the correct and separate Apple ID is set up for use with this feature. For help with doing so, check out these steps:
How to turn off Find My on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch
1. Open the Settings app.
2. Tap [your name] > Find My.
3. Tap Find My [Device], then tap to turn it off.
4. Enter your Apple ID password.
5. Tap Turn Off.
To remove your Apple Watch from Find My, unpair it from your iPhone.
This is outlined further here: Turn off Find My on your iPhone or other devices - Apple Support
Once complete, set it back up again with the steps here: Set up Find My on your iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, or Mac - Apple Support
For your Apple Watch, you might need to restart both your Apple Watch and it’s companion iPhone. If that doesn’t help unpair your Apple Watch from your iPhone and set it back up again. For help, check out these resources:
Unpair and erase your Apple Watch - Apple Support
Set up your Apple Watch - Apple Support
We hope this helps out.
Take care!