Airpod Ringtone Volume WAY TOO LOUD

I have an iphone 13 pro and Airpod pro. When I have the airpods in my ears and the phone rings, the ringtone is deafeningly loud. The ringtone on my phone is about 3/4 volume because that is what I use to hear it. However, there has to be a way to stop the airpods from splitting my eardrums.

Some things I have tried:

• Turning down the tone volume in accessibility but this does not work for ringtone, only notifications.
• Going into headphone safety and reducing sounds to 75 db.
• Turning my ringtone all the way down... which is still too loud in my ear-holes. Also, I cannot hear my ringtone if I do this and don't have my airpods in my ears.

The only thing that works:

If I turn down the ringtone volume ALL THE WAY DOWN every single time I put earpods into my ears, then the ringtone is just too loud, not deafeningly loud. However, my airpods are in and out all day and, when my earpods are not in my ears, I can't hear my phone ring if I do this. It seems ridiculous that this would be the solution.

Help please.

-Gabriel