Re: AirPods not connecting to bluetooth
You have taken some really good steps towards trouble-shooting a solution!
If you haven't already, you might want to try wearing your AirPods while ready to pair,
and on iPhone: Try Settings > Bluetooth > tap "Not Connected"
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Else: Wondering if you have updated your iPhone XS to the latest iOS version, to check if AirPods pair then.
About iOS 16 Updates - Apple Support says iOS 16.6
The firmware on the AirPods may (automatically) update as well.
(Tip: Leave AirPods connected to power overnight with the iPhone close by.)
About firmware updates for AirPods - Apple Support
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If you haven't tried them yet, you might want to browse through these other Apple Support article for tips:
What to do: If your AirPods won't connect - Apple Support
If you can't connect a Bluetooth accessory to your iPhone or iPad - Apple Support
Also, something in here may help::
Resolve Wi-Fi and Bluetooth issues caused by wireless interference - Apple Support
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More support if needed:
AirPods Support Website:
Find all the topics, resources, and contact options you need for your AirPods....
AirPods Support - Official Apple Support
All the best :-)