Apple tv (A1469) turning on with remote, but then stuck on "Whats new".

The old style Apple Remote (aluminum) A1294 is needed for the Apple TV (3rd generation) A1469.

The newer models Siri Remote will not work with that.

Identify your Apple TV remote - Apple Support

Apple’s original legacy remotes had to be linked to the box as described here (2nd half of the page):

If your Apple TV remote isn’t working - Apple Support - Wayback Machine (20220429)

[Both steps can be done with the current remote.]

The black remote is for Apple TV (4th generation or later).

A1625, A1842, A2169, A2737, or A2843.

Identify your Apple TV model - Apple Support

Find your Apple TV model number - Apple Support

Why did i get the black controller in the package then!?

We can't know. Ask the seller. Apple stopped selling the A1469 model in 2016; 7 years ago.