There are so many posts about this issue in Reddit, on Apple's website... EVERYWHERE. This issue has been going on for OVER A YEAR NOW.
Honestly, how this hasn't been prioritized and resolves is baffling. There is a problem with screen time requests. When it moved to iMessage apparently no one tested how it would work on synced devices, specifically on laptops and MBPs. Every. Single. Time. I get a request and open it in iMessage on my laptop (forgetting the issue) I slap myself as my CPU goes to 110% with iMessage hanging as the AskToMessagesExtension goes into overdrive. The request simply spins and hangs, until I go to my phone, approve the request there, quit iMessage on the Mac, and everything goes back to normal.
FIX THIS ISSUE APPLE.