Error Code 2100F

I'm getting this error code when trying to recover my machine. I think it's totally fried. It's a 2019 MB Air with the Touch Bar.

I've tried literally everything under the sun and all I can do is get into Internet Recovery mode, at which point I'm met with 2100F error. I even have a bootable external drive that won't boot. This particular drive worked just fine 5 minutes before this all happened. I am able to enter into Startup Disk selection via option+power, but when I select my backup and boot, it just goes into the infinite restart cycle that its stuck in.

I have created a password-less guest network, as well, to no avail. Ethernet hookup isn't an option since ASFAIK those all require driver installs, which is obviously impossible at this point.

I have also connected to another Mac and entered DFU mode, but I'm just met with a series of error messages there as well, like "can't connect" something or other. Whatever it is I am unable to manipulate the machine in DFU mode, only see some basic info like it's ECID.

Thanks.

P.S. - the machine was setup as brand new not too long ago, so there are literally zero apps on it. I did that to address an internal clock issue where the clock would stop when I closed the clamshell. Even after setting up as new, that issue persisted, which leads me to believe it's a hardware issue.

Edit: using the password-less guest wifi has now reverted me back to error 1008F, which I already addressed the first time I got it. Apple's solution is to remove it from Find My. There was no Activation Lock on the device in the first place because as stated, it was setup as new and left untouched for the most part.

Currently attempting to make a bootable installer from a copy of Big Sur I have already on hand. Standby.

Doesn't work. Can't even boot from the installer. I think the machine is just toast. Sad for a 2019. And yes I have startup security turned to off.