Trying to update my iPhone

You update it yourself.

Update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch

• If you have an iPhone 5S or 6/6plus, the highest you can update to is 12.5.7

• If you have an iPhone 6S through 7, or SE 1st generation, you can update to 15.8.3

• If you have an iPhone 8 or X, you can update to 16.7.10

• If you have an iPhone SE (2nd generation or later), or XR through 16, you can update to 17.7.1 or 18.1.1

Go to Settings > General > Software Update.

This link will show you how to update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch using WiFi -

Update your iPhone or iPad - Apple Support

This link will show you how to update using your computer -

Update iOS on iPhone - Apple Support

Use the Settings app on your iPhone to update the iOS.

Settings > General > Check for Updates

Then follow the instructions provided.

It is up to you to update your phone. Did you read the instructions that were provided to you?