I had this same issue with my 2011 iMac... "Disable remote control infrared receiver" was missing from the advanced section of Security & Privacy.
I did not have candelair installed. I tried installing it. It installed the preferences pane fine but when launched from there it gave an error "ir receiver not found on usb bus". Candelair support pages suggested resetting SMC. That didn't help.
As suggested by someone else I tried reinstalling 10.8 update. That did not help either.
In the end, I was finally able to get this preference to reappear by
- Install remote buddy trial.
- During the first run of remote buddy install the remote buddy driver (this is actually candelair) when prompted.
- Note that Remote buddy doesn't find the IR reciever.
- From the remote buddy trail, uninstall the remote buddy (candelair). Per remote buddy support this can be accomplished via "If you installed the Remote Buddy Driver, you can - within the trial time - either use the Setup Wizard contained in Remote Buddy (access it using Remote Buddy's pull down menu) to uninstall it - or, at any time - manually. It can be found at/System/Library/Extensions/RBIOKitHelper.kext"
Once I did that, the preference to disable the remote is now visable in Security & Privacy -> Advanced.
I spent a lot of time troubleshooting this issue. I hope this helps someone else.