"I talked to an African American..."
Great. Along with everything else, a racist rant.
"I said 'well it's kind of a long story"'and he said 'How long?' and he looked at the time on his iPod touch...
I said, 'do you have somewhere to be?'"
You're the one who started with the inane "well it's kind of a long story". In truth, though, it isn't. It's something similar to this: "I bought an iPhone and, when I inspected it, I saw that it was cosmetically flawed."
That's not a long story and, apparently, it's the complete truth. The rest of your childish patrois isn't worth commenting about. Drama queens, no comments necessary.
"I hate you Apple. I hate you so much. As soon as my contract is up, I'm chucking this phone in a river."
OK. Have a nice life. See you around the bend. Keep your sense of humor.