Oh Hi,
I'm just joining this thread, and have not fully digested it. So stupid question time, are you guys using the Extreme as your firewall device? That is, is it directly connected to you cable/DSL modem? If so, then I understand your problems. Also realize that any of the sub $200.00 router/firewall out there all have problems. In my my environment I want port forwarding, VPN access in and out, port blocking, etc. On any of the devices I have bought, they all say they have such features, but the router crashes when some seemingly random number of features are enabled. I ended up buying a Secure Computing SG300 as my firewall. My Extreme is set in Bridge mode and connected to one of the SG300 ethernet ports. The SG300 has 4 Enet ports, but they are only 100baseT. So everything else is connected to the Extreme 1000BaseT ports. All is working well, including VPN out and VPN in. I can screen share to my home Macs when traveling. Inside I can stream HD content on Enet or 802.11n
I know it is extra money, but my internet (router) never crashes anymore, and I can enable all the features that I want. I travel for work and my wife does not tolerate internet problems. Visit my web cam at 64.7.75.98:81 ! (it's boring, but technically neat, wireless through outside over 200 feet. Port 81 is forwarded to an internal address. The web cam is very cheap consumer grade, been working for over two years)
-Glen