No device icon in iTunes 12 with iPhone XS Max

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT204095

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT208831

I got it..

I reinstalled itunes from

iTunes - Télécharger iTunes - Apple (FR)

then while the installation was going on, a second window appeared asking permission to download an extra software for my iPhone (WHICH WAS PLUGGED IN) to appear in iTunes. I clicked OK but this last one took some time to complete. At the end when all was done, I opened Itunes and it saw my iPhone, asking if i wished to back it up.. ;- )

You try to connect to iTunes with Lightning to USB cable, use another USB port in computer?

http://osxdaily.com/2018/10/10/how-reinstall-macos-mojave/

Neither is the Xs regular size. Lack of the home button to choose the device isn’t allowing me to permit my Mac and iTunes to give me permission to sync this new cell. I have to back it up and sync it. Apple made it bad enough allowing photos syncing to not just keep the one photo on each device but duplicate it. I now have over 54,000 photos and I’ve beem to Apple too many time about this issue. It is an issue for everyone and unacceptable for Apple and the price they charge for lower quality devices than they used to make. I’m so frustrated. If there was a phone that was similar (can’t stand android) I’d have left Apple 4 years ago when it started to decline. I need this cell to send me the “permission” my Mac keeps saying is being sent! Where is it supposed to be?? This is ridiculous. They say to hold the hone button down to reset device manager. It doesn’t work.

I thought it was just me!!

Same here with my iPhone 6. Always worked but now not showing at all in the Itunes menu. I tried several lightning cables still the same result... ????

I forgot: it gets detected by the Photos application though !!!

Yes i checked it seems 12.9 doesn't come as separate installer... Could you reinstall mojave ?

Suit yourself !