So when I posted earlier, I was still using the oldschool method of syncing my phone with itunes and only loading selected playlists, most which were ratings based, and avoiding syncing with iCloud, cause I feared what a mess that would make of things
Since then I figured if it was going to break all my playlists anyway, I might as well bite the bullet and sync them with icloud, so I could at least start adding new music again through Apple Music.
As expected that created a new mess, but may have figured out a few things.
1) Seems most of my regular playlists were fairly intact on both my computer and phone, but my ratings based and other smart playlists were missing tons of songs on my phone. They were all mostly there on the computer, but only about 50% or less of them transferred to my phone.
Trying to figure out a pattern it seemed most of the songs that made it to my phone where ones I had originally loaded from CD. But there were some exceptions that I know I don't own on CD that did sync to the phone also. My guess on those is that I occasionally bought songs from Amazon and for a while had an alternate itunes account that I had bought tunes from. I theorize that maybe these didn't have a problem because they weren't connected to my linked icloud account.
The other thing I found out, and what has possibly salvaged my system, is that if you rerate the itunes purchased songs, they would then resync, not just to the ratings based playlists, but to any other smart playlists they were in.
So with plenty of time on my hands in lockdown, I went through starting with the 5 stars, and erased and then reset the rating on every song and they instantly synced to my phone.
I noticed a few turn back to gray right away, but made them blue again, and that seems to have stuck.
Also noticed a few songs popping up as duplicates after I do this (a song from its original album, then a duplicate from a greatest hits), and a few that inexplicably won't sync with the cloud version.
But for the most part its a somewhat workable system again, and now I don't really have to sync my playlists with my phone directly, and I can finally also add new songs into an icloud playlist, rate them, and have them show up in my rated playlists.
I'll let you know what other problems crop up or what else I discover.