"iPad is disabled/ connect to iTunes" — but there is no more iTunes now, right?

You seem to have two very different questions.

1. How do I proceed with a disabled iPad? Connect to Finder as explained here. If you forgot the passcode on your iPad, or your iPad is disabled - Apple Support
2. How do we regain access without wiping its memory? “We” don’t. Backups must occur before catastrophes. After a catastrophe, it’s too late.

If disabled, any locally stored data is already lost.

If your iPad is disabled, or you have forgotten your iPad passcode, you’ll need to follow this process:

https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT211078

You’ll need access to either a PC (with iTunes installed) or a Mac (with iTunes or Finder - as appropriate for the installed version of MacOS).

You’ll also need your AppleID and associated password. If these have also been forgotten, they can be recovered here:

https://iforgot.apple.com

To recover your credentials, you’ll need access to one of the following:

• Your primary email address mailbox that corresponds with your AppleID
• Any of the secondary/recovery email addresses that should be configured for your AppleID account
• Any of the trusted telephone numbers (fixed line or Cellular/Mobile) that are associated with your AppleID

Unless you AppleID account has not been fully/correctly configured, or has been seriously neglected, recovery of the AppleID and password should not be difficult.

More information about recovery of your AppleID:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201354

More information about recovery of your AppleID password:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201487

When you recover access to your credentials, you would be well advised to log-in to your AppleID account from a web browser - and verify/update any email addresses and trusted telephone numbers:

https://appleid.apple.com

iTunes is alive and well. If you have a Windows computer, you use iTunes. If you have a Mac running Catalina, you use iTunes Finder.

You cannot regain access without wiping the iPad's memory. If you've backed up the iPad, you can restore from backup after you erase it. If you haven't backed up the iPad, your data will be gone.

See this link for directions and there is no alternative method --> If you forgot the passcode on your iPad, or your iPad is disabled - Apple Support

You have not told us the model of the iPad, so we don’t know if it uses Face ID.

Regardless, it needs to be connected precisely as described in the article I attached above. Simply plugging it in is insufficient.