Response to questions:
To start with, what device and model do you have set up as the home hub? iPod mini (running latest os)
Are you able to control your home remotely during the same time frame when she experiences the same issues? Yes. My Apple ID on my devices never has issues, HomePod always connected when home or away for me and can always control them.
UPDATE: root cause/solution identified (forums suggested non iCloud email apple ids may cause this)
wife had a gmail for Apple ID. I signed out of her gmail Apple ID on her iPad 8th Gen and iPhone XR. I created an new iCloud email for her Apple ID. I signed back into iPhone XR and iPad 8th Gen with new iCloud email Apple ID. I removed her from my Home under her gmail Apple ID. I re-added her with the new iCloud email Apple ID. I enabled admin and stream/record and remote access to control for her. She no longer has any issues (note:iPad wouldn’t connect to home at all off home network, Since it was JUST occurring on the iPad and likely a glitch/bug since NOT happening on iPhone, I did a complete erase factory reset and it fixed it)
lesson learned: apple plays nice with apple. Not so well with 3rd party email/Apple ID. I’m ok with that but wish phone support suggested it as a potential solution after numerous communications/support attempts. Hopefully it’s noted :)