What is your model Apple TV? Identify your Apple TV model - Apple Support
Also see: Set up the Apple TV Remote on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support
The Apple TV (4th generation or later) should be straight-forward to pair with, as described, if both devices are already on the same home network.
The Apple TV (3rd generation) needs a functional remote to help set up the software Apple TV Remote from Control Center.
For the Apple TV (3rd generation), your options are:
The Apple TV (2nd generation) is not compatible with the software Apple TV Remote from Control Center.
For the Apple TV (2nd generation), your option is:
- buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum).
The Apple TV (1st generation) was never compatible with the software Apple TV Remote on iPhone.
For the Apple TV (1st generation), your option is:
- buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum).