So after doing some more extensive testing, I think I may have found at least part of the problem. Everywhere online and everyone keeps saying the same thing about turning this and that off (which obviously was done months ago. But what I found was this: If you have multiple devices (as I do), that stupid Focus and DND must be disabled on ALL OF THEM because by default the even dumber "Share across devices" is on.
I have an iPad Pro, iPad 9th Gen, two Macbook Airs, a M1 Mac Mini, iPhone 13 Pro Max and an Apple Watch SE2.
I noticed one day that the Date and Time on my Mac Mini was greyed out and not white as normal and could not figure out why. I updated the system, used CleanMyMac X and rebooted several times but it would never turn back white. So I accidentally clicked on the Control Center (out of frustration) and noticed that STUPID crescent moon was lit up. After turning it off the Date and Time reappeared white. So I then went into the Focus settings and noticed "Share Across Devices" was on and I was so furious with Apple because after months of talking to Support no one mentioned this crap!
Not youtube video or anyone in this support community (that I ran across) mentioned that either. I waiting to see if I get text alerts 24/7 and will provide and update.
I get it's something "shiny and new" for Apple but anything dealing with Focus or DND should be left up to the user to activate, NOT APPLE!!!! I missed every update of my wife's surgery because of this stupid Focus! And they really should consider allowing users to completely REMOVE such nonsense from any device and the one's who want to use it can.