Hi Debbie -
I am new to Xfinity as of June 27, and right before the changeout was the last time my iPad was able to back up. I have an XB8. Is that the gateway you have? I've also been on the phone with Apple and Xfinity, and I think it will be a while before the incompatibility will be resolved. I think it's more likely that Apple will do something, than Xfinity making any changes. I don't think it's being addressed yet. The Apple techs I worked with actually had this exact discussion open, but had no solutions from Apple. The info about IPV4 and IPV6 here is taking you down the wrong path; don't get stuck there. Apple devices are IPV6 compatible.
There are several workarounds. I haven't decided which I'm most comfortable with, but they are:
1) Update via Ethernet from the router port. Several here are doing that, and I'm waiting for an Ethernet connector for my own iPad. My reluctance is that I'm not sure whether my iphone is always connected via Wifi, or is switching to cellular, so I'm not sure if solving the iPad issue fixes the entire problem. It certainly won't make either company work to find a real solution.
2) Downgrade your modem gateway to an XB7. This sounds like it works, but I'm not a fan of downgrading. The difference is that XB8 uses Wifi6e, and XB7 uses Wifi6. Very few Apple devices are compatible with 6e (I put info further up in the thread). I think this is a big part of the problem.
3) Split your router and use the 24mbs for the older devices. Xfinity doesn't recommend that, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I see my devices switching wifi on and off constantly and think they are not locking onto the 5G band. the XB7 is also dual band, so I'm confused about why one works and the other doesn't...
Please let us know what you try. Since Apple does see these discussions, I'm hopeful that the more we bring to their attention, the sooner all will be resolved. I don't like finding workarounds while the problem still exists, and like you say, we're paying for technology we aren't using.