Can't wipe this "thing" off my MacBook screen.

if you have an Apple-owned store available, you should make an appointment to have it examined. Those guys put their hands on these Macs all day every day, and know a whole lot about them that was never written in a help article.

jasourn wrote:

I had already tried dampening my microfiber cloth, using a Clorox wipe,

I would never use a Clorox wipe on the display as it may eat away at the anti-glare coating. I've used Clorox wipes to remove anti-glare coating that has already half missing in order to improve the viewing quality of the screen.

I've only ever had to use an LCD screen cleaner and sometimes my finger nail to remove the more stubborn marks on a display.

jasourn wrote:

Yeah, I’m very aware of using Clorox wipes on these types of screens, but sometimes you just gotta go that extra bit you know — if it’s just really not coming off. Thank you!

Trust me I know since some of my organization's users are extremely dirty & messy (usually young kids, but some adults as well). Clorox wipes are not needed. Most times just an LCD screen cleaner is sufficient, perhaps several cleanings if the cloth gets too dirty from the grime. Like I said, I have used my fingernail to loosen a spec of dirt that could not be wiped away by a cloth. I think I only once had to resort to using a bit of Windex and I cringed at doing that, but it was necessary or I was not going to touch the laptop. I've had to actually tell people to toss the laptop out because I would not go near it for how filthy some of them are....yes they were that disgusting. Fortunately that extreme measure has only been necessary a handful of times over the last 30 years.

What I've seen would turn the heads & stomaches of most people. I laugh at some of my co-workers who feel dirty with some laptops that to me look "clean" compared to what I've dealt with in the past.