#%^*+=¥£€$&@!!!!!
Ok, so you need iTunes 10.7 for iPad mini support. When I restart iTunes it automatically says my ipad cannot be synced, cuz it needs 10.7 or later. But it knows ipad is there, and tries to sync it.
NOTICE: I uninstalled iTunes 11, then installed 10.6.3 into different location. I had to pull "iTunes Library.itl" from iTunes folder in My Music cuz it said it was created with a newer version of iTunes. I only cabled phone to laptop ONCE, all other references to plugging are into AC power. Also I am syncing from phone at each test to make sure it doesn't show up then fail like it often would recently.
Synced 3Gs thru cable. Been messing with it for a bit now, restarting iTunes. A couple of times it didn't find my phone, a couple times it did. Once of those times it showed up in sidebar, then failed and disappeared, but that may have actually been a fluke.
Rebooted laptop. And so far so good. It takes maybe a minute after launching iTunes, but seems to find phone whether it is plugged into power or not. Relaunched iTunes a few times, and worked every time.
Rebooted laptop. Launched iTunes. Didn't find phone till I plugged into power. Seemed like I noticed that before it MIGHT worked when unplugged. I think maybe after reboot, you need to plug into power, but then it would worked when unplugged afterward, until later. Maybe after leaving house and coming back to wifi, it needs to be power plugged once, but then can be unplugged. Relaunched iTunes with phone unplugged, and it still finds it.
Rebooted again. Phone unplugged. Launched iTunes. Showed in sidebar, but sync button grey on phone. Clicked sync in iTunes and then it failed and disappeared. Then plugged in phone, waited a bit. It never showed up again. Relaunched iTunes. Now it won't find it again while plugged in. Restarted wifi. Relaunched iTunes, phone was plugged in. This time it found it. Not sure if wifi restart was necessary, maybe I just didn't wait long enough. But to have my phone found and syncable like 10 times now is nothing short of staggering IMO. But this has given me a glimmer of hope for tracking this thing down.
As a side note, some months ago (I'll track down date later) my girlfriend saw that one of her Facebook friends, came home to find iTunes had updated itself on his computer and also on his partners. They have completely unrelated iTunes accounts. Both were leery of updating to new version, and iTunes hijacked itself anyway. Curious what version that was.
Sorry for such a long post, but trying to be clear about entire procedure. I guess for now I will sync ipad to iCloud, and continue experimenting with iTunes 10.6.3. More details to follow.
Good Luck All!!!