Man, stop dissing Apple! The fact that I can run iTunes 10.6.3 for like 4 days, with nearly 100% stability for my 3Gs, and then switch back to iTunes 11 and begin having massive issues immediately, and have nothing but trouble since then, all points to the fact that this is my fault and not something Apple has screwed up and refuses to admit. Installing iTunes 10.6.3 just somehow happens to turn my HP laptop into a MacBook Pro, through the magic of science.
Seriously, I wish I didn't have an iPad mini, so I could stay with the old iTunes. So far since switching back, I've been able to sync my phone a couple of times, usually only from iTunes, not initiated from phone, and haven't been able to sync the ipad at all yet over wifi now. Always greyed out on ipad, usually grey on phone, even when both devices show up in iTunes there is like a 10:1 chance that the sync will start, then stop with no error given, but the sync almost never completes.
The constant ping is just about the only trick left that I haven't tried. All others "solutions" fail within a day at most.
That will be be my next attempt to resolve.