well after 3 or so days of no phone or itouch usage and probably hours of testing, including wiping and restored both devices (to no avail) and all the apps and map data etc, which took 8 hours each just to do the itunes. what PIA!! But, i finally got both devices back. now i'm at ~5 hours standby and i'm still on 100% on both. both devices are cool to the touch, not warm.
i turned off every every feature to no avail (and i mean everything, no email, no apps, no icloud, nada) one by one until the last 2, and unfortunately i didn't do them one at a time.
safari (icloud)
facetime.
one of those 2 apps was killing my phone and itouch. i don't use facetime but it was always 'on'. i rarely use safari.
one of them or both was draining the battery so fast (3 hours complete discharge) that the iphone actually stayed warm the whole time.
so i'm done, and now MUCH smarter about not jumping every time apple has an update. i'd rather have security holes than this awful mess.
i just hope my batteries were not damaged by this.