NEW INFORMATION and POSSIBLE COMPLETE AND TOTAL FIX FROM APPLE --
Well, I've been here in this thread too long (see previous posts) and have stubbornly (and perhaps foolishly) refused to use the 3rd-party solution.
However --
After months of calling Apple, amounting to countless hours for wasted time on the phone, having been passed through no fewer than a dozen Senior Technical Advisors, and after having gone up to Mt. Olympus to ENGINEERING twice, the case was finally passed to an even higher power: THE DEVELOPERS. (everyone say: ooooooooo!...)
What I could not do, what no Advisor could do, and what the first set of ENGINEERS failed to do the first time, THE DEVELOPERS have apparently done. And here's the solution:
Get an Android.
Had to do that, sorry.
No, seriously. Here it is:
Get Apple tech front-end on the phone. Get him/her to "escalate" your case to a Senior Technical Advisor. Don't back down and let the ever-helpful, ever-earnest tech to try to fix it: s/he can't. Don't back down. Get to a Senior Tech, then get that person to work with you to have the ENGINEERS put your account Apple ID into "test mode" (allows them into your account and requires that you let Apple set a temporary password, which you can change when the account is released from test; no apparent risks or mischief). Advise the Senior Tech that the ENGINEERS will need to engage THE DEVELOPERS (dum-dum-DUM). The exalted DEVELOPERS will need to go into your User ID and remove the shortcut file. Once removed, you'll sign in and out of your Apple ID on each device, and voila! No Zombies.
Duh.
It's now been done on both my iPad, and I will -- obviously -- be keeping a sharp eye out for ghosts, vampires, Bill Murray, Glenn Close, the Walking Dead, Spinal Tap, those Grateful guys who play guitars, the random phoenix, soap opera stars who successfully renegotiated their contracts, and anyone who is fluent in Manx. Will report back. I hope I do not eat my words.
I can share more info if you'd like. Just ask.