Carplay not Working

Hi All. Since buying a new car I've not been able to get CarPlay to work on it (and yes, it is set up for it). I connect to the right USB connector, it charges but the car doesn't see it at all and doesn't launch CarPlay (and you can't force it to launch because it doesn't see the device).

It's definitely not the car as using my Kids phone (same model - iPhone XR) as a test it works fine straight away and launches CarPlay. I can also play music and make calls from my iPhone using the bluetooth connection.

I've tried all of online fixes suggested (upgraded to latest iOS, restarted phone, restarted car software, done hard reset on phone, deleted it and paired it again, switch bluetooth on and off, switch Siri on and off, checked screen time allowed apps, renamed phone etc. etc.) but nothing. And no, I cannot get it to 'forget' the car and start again because it never saw the car in the first place - it has never worked with this phone, not even once.

So any ideas that I haven't tried or are not obvious from the various online fixes would be welcome.