https://apple.stackexchange.com/questions/461301/mac-os-10-13-6-and-newer-mobile-devices-not-working-with-itunes-12-8-3-1-mobiled/
i followed the instructions on this post. iphone 12 mini on ios 17, and my early 2013 retina macbook pro on high sierra.
i downloaded a few of the xcode 15 betas. i'm not even sure which one i opened, there's 15 beta 2, 15.1 beta 2, 15.1 beta 3. i wonder if the non beta would also work.
i unzipped it, went to show package contents, and followed to:
xcode-beta.app/Contents/Resources/Packages/MobileDevice.pkg
and ran that package, as the above instructions stated.
i quit itunes, unplugged the phone, reopened itunes, plugged the phone in, and now it's there.